


Take these broken wings and learn to fly

by An_Angel_A_Muse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Destiel - Freeform, Injury, M/M, Painful imagery, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-07 19:37:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16414625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_Angel_A_Muse/pseuds/An_Angel_A_Muse
Summary: Title from the song Blackbird by The BeatlesDean had just found out about the broken wings. It had been years of being able to hide his injuries, Cas never wanted him to know, but he'd been careless. Usually he didn't let them affect the perceivable world, but he'd found himself out of focus, one of those moments where it hurt to just breathe, so his effort went there, and Dean bumped into a wing. He wasn't sure if his friend's expression was because he actually felt the wing, or if it was because of the startled and pained expression on his face, the way he labored for breath and held his ribs. All of the above.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rating may change to E later on.

   Dean had just found out about the broken wings. It had been years of being able to hide his injuries, Cas never wanted him to know, but he'd been careless. Usually he didn't let them affect the perceivable world, but he'd found himself out of focus, one of those moments where it hurt to just breathe, so his effort went there, and Dean bumped into a wing. He wasn't sure if his friend's expression was because he actually felt the wing, or if it was because of the startled and pained expression on his face, the way he labored for breath and held his ribs. All of the above.

   Dean had him seated in a chair, it had been a good half hour since it happened, but the hunter stuck to his side, his warm hand resting on the angel's forearm as he asked, "okay, so, do they hurt?" He knew it was a dumb question, but it was better than sitting in silent worry.

   Cas would give Dean a sidelong glance, he didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to add any more burden onto Dean's shoulders. Though he was sure Dean knew the answer to that question anyway.

   Dean sighed and gave his arm a light pat, "okay, so that's a yes." Cas nodded his response and tucked the unseen wings closer to his back. "How bad is it?" Dean's voice was hesitant, as if just asking might make it worse.

   Cas lets out a huff of air, "Bad," he'd admit simply, though he couldn't keep the wince out of his expression.

   "Come on, buddy, can I get some details? It's kinda hard to know if we can help you without 'em." He tried to be gentle in his tone, Sammy was usually better at that, Dean couldn't stop the impatience from leaking into his words.

   Cas narrowed his eyes in thought, "A broken wing is a death sentence for birds in the wild. Wings don't just heal like a cut or bruise, or a normal bone breaking. For birds this is because of the nature of their bones being so frail and hollow on top of their fragility. For angels the issue is the heavy structure. We don't use the wind to fly, we use our grace. Grace is a powerful force, our muscles need to be strong and our bones dense."

   Dean followed along pretty well, Cas put it simply enough a kid could probably follow that. "Ok, so.. Strong is better though, right?"

   Cas shook his head, "I've never heard of an angel's wings mending from a break like mine and it isn't just one wing."

   Dean blinked quickly and leaned in, worry etching his features, "Cas, is this thing gonna kill you?"

   Cas' features softened at Dean's worry for him, "it's been this long and I am still alive, Dean." Cas saying that should've been more reassuring, but of course it wasn't.

   "So, all this time you've been running around with broken wings. Hunting, fighting, all of that?"

   Cas nods, "Since I fell due to Metatron's manipulation, yes. Usually I have a very high pain tolerance."

   Dean was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check over this, he was scared, worried, but of course it came out as anger. "high pain tolerance, yeah, that was pretty high tolerance when I barely bumped your wing." He knew he shouldn't snap, but he did and it only made Cas' expression drop more with guilt. "Has it been getting worse or has it just always been this way?"

   Cas gave him a long suffering and yet pleading look, "Dean, please.."

   Dean shook his head, "no, I wanna know."

   Cas looks away, staring at the surface of the table, "it's been progressively getting worse since the beginning of this year."

   Dean let out another sigh, "damn it Cas, you should'a said something. Can we do anything at all to help them heal?" Dean's hand somehow found it's way to Cas' he told himself it was for comforting purposes, it was probably hard for Cas to talk about. On top of that, he didn't want Cas to bolt either. Nothing to do at all with how he was feeling, cause he wasn't, not really. He was just worried about his friend. He wasn't in any horrible distress at the idea of losing Cas again, cause it's not that big of a deal. Just months of drinking, crying, numbing himself, being reckless. Totally normal things to do when your friends die. It did calm the thoughts when he felt Cas' hand squeeze his own lightly.

   "No Dean, I don't think so. It's possible, but with God having left, the archangels all gone, that knowledge may be lost." Cas knew they were sitting in a mine full of knowledge, but the thought of scouring through everything seemed like such a big task, there was so much, it'd take so long to find the right book, was he even worth this effort? "It's ok Dean. I can manage the pain, and while travel is longer now, I do enjoy riding in the car with you."

   Dean gave him this look that had 'don't be stupid' written all over it and leaned back to pull his phone out of his pocket, "to hell with that, I'm texting Sammy. If there's a way to fix you up, there's a good chance it's in a book or file here somewhere."

   Cas sat quietly then, chewing the inside of his lip as he watched Dean tap away on his phone.

Dean: hey Sammy, need your nerdiness out here in the library.

Sam: yeah, hey, how are you? You sleep good? I didn't wake you or anything did I?

Dean: don't text sass me or I'll text bitchslap it outta you.

Sam: lol that'd be funny to read, ngl. Ok, what's up, I'm getting up, so just fill me in.

Dean: to make a long story short Metadick broke Cas' wings. They're getting worse and we need to find out how to fix him.

Sam: well... Shit. I'm On my way.

   Cas sat quietly as Dean had his texting conversation, the hunter was absently stroking the back of his hand with his thumb, it was soothing, endearing. Soon enough Dean was pocketing his phone and giving him this fake, trying to hold it together, smile.

   "So, how about some coffee? I can just go get the machine going." Dean let go of his hand and stood.

    "Yeah of course, coffee sounds good." He more liked the heat than the taste. Molecules getting in the way and all. Part of him wanted to go with Dean, or ask him to stay, but he knew Dean needed to process this alone. At least for a few minutes.

   Dean gave his shoulder a pat, soft and careful, where he was sure there wouldn't be wings in the way. "I'll be back in two shakes."

   Cas furrowed his brows and watched Dean's retreating back disappear into the other room. He was barely alone for a minute when bed headed Sam came in, still in his tshirt and pajama pants. "Sam.. You look tired, honestly, this could've waited for morning."

   Sam fixed him with this stare, he wasn't sure if the younger brother was gonna cry or yell at him. "No.. Cas.. Look, it can't, it shouldn't have to be put on the back burner for us." Sometimes he didn't give Sam enough credit, he certainly didn't when they first met. The younger brother had really grown on him over the years to the point he felt like he was his own brother as well.

   "Saving people, saving the world, is more important than a single angel with broken wings, Sam." Cas reasoned weakly. He just didn't have the fight in him right now.

   Sam shook his head, "we can multitask. We could've been working this out for you too. Well, we can do that now at least. So, I'm on the lore hunt, right?"

   Cas nodded, "you should specifically be looking for a thick, very old, leather bound book. It has feathers etched into the front cover and a gold spine. Its faded by now I'm sure, but when I saw it the leather was dyed blue. It's the only one of it's kind and it's more than likely to be here. If it isn't there's no point in searching other sources."

   Sam listened quietly and nodded, "right.. I'll get to looking."

   "Sam.. It can wait a bit longer. Dean's making coffee, you need to wake up more."

   "Coffee sounds pretty amazing right now." Sam said as he put his laptop on the table and sat next to Cas. "I'm gonna look around for any lore on angel wings that I can find online for now. I'll start digging around the library and the archives after coffee." On the bright side, it was only a couple hours earlier than his usual wake up time.

   "You won't find anything." Even so, Cas leaned to watch the screen.

   "You never know, besides, it's better than just waiting around."

   Cas nodded and watched Sam type away at his laptop, sifting through the various sites with Cas' help. "There's so much fake info on angel wings.. It's kinda ridiculous."

   Cas shook his head, "Books of fiction and fantasy, various games.. It's creative."

   Sam sighed and sat back, "yeah, I'd probably like it too, if I didn't need the real info so bad."

   Dean came in with a tray, the coffee pot, a few cups, honey, sugar, and cream on top. "So, found anything out yet?"

   "Well, if we were writing a fictional book, or looking to play some tabletop, yeah, lots." Sam said and switched his browser to YouTube. "Let's watch something lighthearted and have our coffee.. I need to wake up better."

   They'd found themselves watching old cat vines, most funny, all of them cute. It lightened Cas' mood, even got him to laugh a few times, that was a rare occurrence with the angel. Cas being in a better mood meant that Dean was in a better mood. He didn't care for cats, so he'd mostly steal glances at Cas. Sam noticed, of course, but didn't say anything about how dean's eyes lit up and his features softened. He already knew they had it bad for each other, but he wasn't about to push anything, Dean would spook.

   The trio finished their coffees and Sam got up to stretch, "ok, I'm gonna go dig around."

   Dean looked over to Cas again, "it's good to see you smile. Hell I don't think I've ever heard you really laugh before. This was nice." Dean couldn't believe he just blurted that out, and Cas was blushing. Kinda, his skin didn't tint much but he did squirm a bit and glance away shyly.

   "Thank you Dean. I've enjoyed this myself, even under these circumstances." He'd move to start getting up, "I should help Sam."

   Dean stood with him and grabbed him by the hand, "nope. You're gonna rest with me and watch videos." He'd state as he pulled Cas off to a more comfortable spot. "What do you think, wanna watch people vines now? Man, it's a shame that site went down." Just when he'd slowed down enough to watch too. Thank god for YouTube.

   Cas sighed and rested back on the couch beside Dean, "perhaps a movie instead?" They were using the laptop, which meant they had to sit in close. It felt more intimate without Sam there, who'd be sandwiching Cas between himself and Dean. Dean pulled the laptop back to his lap, kinda centering it so they could both easily watch. "Something light." Cas said as he settled in.

   Dean wasn't sure what to think, Cas practically cuddled up to his side, warm and comfy, his head leaning back on his chest. He did have a thought actually _I'm so screwed_. "Uh.. Ok.. How about a Disney flick? I like to watch those when I don't feel good, kinda helps."

   Cas nodded, "ok, Dean. Let's watch Disney." Dean scrolled through the movies he'd collected, looking for something he hadn't burned himself out on yet. Cas stopped him and pointed, "What's this one?"

   "Oh man. Toy story? Ok, just so you know, there's 3 of them. Yes you have to watch them all." Which was perfect. It bought Sam a lot of time to dig something up. He'd start the movie and get settled in, it was just a natural position to put his arm around him, with how Cas was resting against him. He'd never admit it out loud, but he needed this too, he didn't get a lot of contact with people, someone either had to be dying or kicking his ass, or getting killed by his hands, touch was violence anymore, yet here he was, practically snuggling with Castiel.

   The hours seemed to fly by for Cas. Though he knew he couldn't sleep, he was tired. Dean had fallen asleep halfway through the second movie, and Cas totally spaced out the rest of the movies in favor of resting his head on his chest, ear down, so he could listen to the slow breathing and calm heartbeat as Dean dozed. It was bittersweet. He knew once this was over Dean would want his space back, so he soaked this in, as much love as he could get.

   Sam walked in holding a very large, very old tome, but he'd stop himself at seeing the two together. He'd back out quietly to go to the library and start reading. Sam placed the heavy tome onto the library table. He was positive this was the right one. It had a metal frame around the covers, gold spine, filigree etched corners, and feathers worked into the dark leather. His fingertips traced over the delicate seeming lines of the biggest feather in the center and then he'd open the book. His jaw practically dropped to the floor and it was just the first page. He wasn't fluent by any means, but he could swear what he had to piece together was all in enochian. He needed Cas' help with this one.. Sam wanted to give them more time though, it was so rare, them getting to just relax. He'd sit back and begin to turn page after page, slowly, studying each illustration. The drawings alone laid out angel anatomy perfectly, surgically, every muscle, nerve, vein, tendon clearly mapped out, even the structure and order of the feathers, what purpose each group served. Whoever wrote this book had to be an angel. Maybe God himself. Either way it was looking more and more like Cas couldn't be helped. He could only hope the text told a different story.

   "You found it."

Sam nearly jumped out of his seat when Cas spoke from behind him, "well.. If I wasn't awake before.."

   "My apologies." He didn't really sound sorry.

   Sam shook his head, "oh, no, it's fine. But yeah, I found it and I can't read it.."

   "I know. You have some gaps in your understanding of enochian." Cas walked over to sit by Sam, setting the laptop on the table, and began reading, "if I may use your laptop, I can give you exact translations. I'll be reading it anyhow."

   "Really? Yeah, yes. That'd be great.. Um are you up to that?"

   Cas quirked a brow, "I'm in the same condition today as I was yesterday Sam.. And the week before when I helped you take out a werewolf pack." He'd sigh at the guilty expression he was getting from Sam, "I am fine.. And I don't sleep. You and your brother, on the other hand, must." Fine was a loose term in this family, Cas caught onto it quickly. If he were honest?.. He'd say he's dying, but _I'm fine_ caused far less panic.

   Sam was looking a bit weary, and trying not to show it, it had been a good 8hrs since they'd gotten him up. "Ok.. Fine, you're right. Promise you'll get one of us if something comes up."

Cas nodded and waved it off, "go get your brother to bed, the couch will make his back hurt."

   An hour had passed since Sam shuffled off to bed, Dean had protested, and rebelled. He'd stay up with Cas for a couple of hours before finally giving in and going to bed at Cas' insistence. He'd been falling asleep at the table and snoring from the poor position.

   Cas read through a lot of the book, having mostly skimmed for details he was looking for.. What he found was the worst, as he suspected. He'd save the notes on the laptop and close the book. He felt so heavy and worn, it showed in the dark under his eyes and the tightness of his mouth. Before long he'd found his way to Dean's door. He'd slip inside quietly and just as quietly stripped out of his coat and suit, leaving himself in his undershirt, boxers, socks, all of it a size or two too large for him, though he wasn't a thin man by any means, this made him seem very small in spite of the bulk of muscle. Unfortunately there would be no quiet, or careful to what he'd do next.

   He'd slowly pull back the covers and sit on the bed, fully intending to climb in and rest close to Dean, when the hunter suddenly grabbed his arm out of reflex. Dean sat up quickly, rearing back to hit his intruder, until Cas put a hand up to stop him, "Dean, it's just me."

   Dean blinked and squinted, "Cas, what.. you ok?" He'd drop his hand, "I could'a hurt you."

   "I'm fine, just.." How do you tell your not-boyfriend that's in denial you were just tired and wanted to be held? "I was.. cold. Cold and tired." Not a lie, the bunker was kinda cold at night, being half underground and all.

   Dean seemed to accept this and would scoot over as invitation, "well, I definitely got the body heat to spare, maybe we can share and even us both out, huh?" Damn that sounded like a pick up line. That was _not_ a pick up line. Cas slid in under the covers, pressing himself against Dean, who hesitated of course. Dean had an inner fight going on, the whole argument of, _I'm not gay! okay but.. nope not gay! Bi? NO._ He was tired though.. And this did feel kinda comfy.. and Cas did feel kinda cold. So he'd rest his arms around the angel, who seemed to melt into him and fall asleep. Dean suddenly opened his eyes and looked down at Cas.. He doesn't sleep, right? So why, suddenly, is Castiel asleep? "Shit.." He'd mutter to himself, if Cas is sleeping then he's much worse off than he'd put on before. Dean couldn't help but to hold his 'friend' closer.

   Cas woke first, all warm and wrapped up in strong arms. Dean was sleeping peacefully for once. Maybe because he didn't sleep alone. He took the opportunity to really look at him. It wasn't often Cas got to be so close that he could literally count the freckles that sprinkled across his nose, the eyelashes against his cheeks. Well, not unless there was some conflict, or one of them were dying. Then again, he was dying. Again, he felt that ache of bittersweet as he brought his hand to Dean's cheek, he looked so soft when he slept, no tension, guilt, pain that usually hardened his features.

   Dean had awakened as soon as Cas laid his hand on his cheek, but he didn't want to show it. He wanted to see what Cas would do and give him his moment. Maybe he craved this as well. Stupid intrusive thoughts. He was broken from his thoughts when lips softly pressed against his own, making him gasp and giving himself away.

   Cas quickly pulled away, looking like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Dean.. I.. I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't-”

   Dean didn't let him finish. He reached for the angel and pulled him back in as he leaned to capture his lips. Cas closed his eyes and let out a whine as he settled into him again and melted into the kiss. Dean slid his hands down Cas' sides, wrapped his arms around his middle, he'd been so careful about avoiding where he thought the wings would be, it gave Cas some freedom with not having to focus on making them physically imperceptible.

   Cas sighed when the kiss ended and nuzzled in against his cheek before resting his head against his shoulder.

   "You should.. You know?" Dean said, his voice sounding rougher.

   Cas furrowed his brows, "I should?.."

   "I dunno. Do things like, uh like that." he cleared his throat.

   Cas picked his head up to look at him, searching his eyes, "it was a stupid risk."

   "Yeah, well.. It was a good stupid risk." Dean said and brought his hand up to caress his cheek. "I guess I'm just.. A stubborn coward. If you didn't kiss me, it probably wouldnt've happened."

   Cas sighed, "Being afraid doesn't make you a coward Dean.."

   Dean sighed and nodded, "sure." He didn't sound a bit convinced. It was just one of those things that was true for everyone else, not him.

   There was a knock to the bedroom door, Sam was up and at 'em. "Hey guys? I think I found something that'll help."

   Cas looked up and back towards the door, "shall we?" Even as he asked he was sitting up and pulling off the covers.

   "Yeah, let's go see what he dug up. Don't bother getting dressed, just grab one of the robes."

   Cas tilted his head and looked toward the closet, it would be less fuss and more comfort. He'd stand, his back was to Dean so he didn't have to hide the wince when gravity pulled on his wings as he tried to keep them tucked close to his back. He'd pull on a robe and hand one to Dean, who accepted and leaned toward Cas to give him a kiss. Cas had started the whole affection thing, Dean wasn't about to let it just drop. They joined Sam in the library where Dean would help Cas to a chair.

   "Ok Sammy, what'd you find?" Dean asked.

   Sam watched them a moment, worry etched into his features, was Cas more pale?.. He'd clear his throat and look back to the laptop, "uh right, well, I didn't find a fix just yet, but there's a spell in here to let you be able to fully perceive their wings."

   "For real?" Dean asked, attention completely gotten now. "Okay, let's do it."

   Cas furrowed his brows, "I don't know if you should..." He wasn't sure he wanted them to see the condition his wings were in, not only were they broken and bloody, but his feathers were dirty and tattered. It's an embarrassment as much as anything else. It's the whole reason he didn't bring it up.

   "Cas, it'll be ok." Sam said in his soft tone, trying to be reassuring, "if we can see them we can do some basic first aid at least. It's not a fix, but it might get you some relief while we figure out the fix."

   Dean reached over to take Cas' hand, "Cas.. Please?"

   Cas sighed and gave a nod, to which the boys let out a breath of relief.

   "Okay, good," Sam said, kicking into gear, "I already gathered everything we need and put it in two bowls, um.. Everything but our blood and one of your feathers. It doesn't matter which or what size, we just need part of one for each bowl."

   Cas reached back, over his shoulder, jaw clenching and eyes closing as he plucked a feather, it was just a little coverlet, but it'd do. "Bring me your bowls, I'll put the feather in," he'd say as he split the feather down the middle.

   Sam picked up the bowls and brought them to Cas to drop the feather bits in. "Ok, we don't need a lot of blood for this so.. Just a finger prick." Sam picked up a couple of needles, the kind they're usually using to sew each other back together. He'd hand one to Dean, with his bowl and a match. "Three drops of blood, then the fire, let the smoke get into your eyes.. And Cas, you need to say this." Sam handed him a page of text, enochian, naturally.

   It was quite a trip. The smoke literally seeped into their eyes as Cas chanted the enochian on the page Sam had handed him. He couldn't keep the worry from his expression once he was through and hesitantly looked between the boys. "Well?..."

   Sam said nothing, just stared, a pained expression on his face. Dean on the other hand was quickly at Cas' side, hands hovering as if afraid to touch, with good reason. "Sammy, go grab the big first aid kit, I'll look up how to bandage these up." He'd move to pull a chair closer and sit with the laptop. He'd eye the wings a moment, "it might be best to look up the bigger raptor wings.. I think we can kinda strap them so they lay against your back too, Cas. Less gravity pull, less effort for you." He'd say as he'd tap away on the keyboard.

   Cas watched as he scrolled a website full of wing facts, speechless for a moment at how quickly they snapped to action, did they really look that bad? "..you'll have to wrap them tighter." Cas said, "their wings are very light compared to my own."

   Dean gave a nod, "yeah, that's what I was thinkin' too. We have the supplies, I think we can do that."

   Sam returned carrying a big box and set it on the table. He'd start pulling out the things they'd need, antiseptic, lots of gauze and bandaging, wraps, sutures, in case they had to sew something together. "Ok, I think this'll be enough."

   Dean stood and looked over everything, "great, let's get him cleaned up." He'd bring the antiseptic over, with all of the gauze, "this is gonna hurt, buddy, so just hang in there ok?"

   Cas nodded and shrugged off the robe, his wings ghosting through the fabric easily, that at least worked still. He'd take a breath and look up, he trusted Dean, though his eyes were wide with worry.

   "Sam, c'mere and hold Cas' wing about table height and stretch it out.. Carefully." Dean directed, taking charge as usual.

   Sam moved to do as instructed, a guilty expression on his face as Cas screwed his eyes shut and stifled a scream, through the clenched teeth it came out as a pained whimper.

   "It's ok Cas, we got you." Dean kisses the side of his head before moving to clean him up, he had to work quickly for Cas' sake, but there was so much dried blood matting his feathers. He'd clean his feathers up as well as he possibly could and they moved on to the next wing. Cas wasn't quiet in his suffering, which made things so much harder. Both boys felt guilty for causing more pain, even if it was pain that helps. "Okay, I'm gonna help you fold up your wing." Dean said to Cas, then looked over to Sam, "I need you to come hold his wing in place." Dean instructed as he slowly folded the wing in place. Sam held the wing, firm but gentle, as Dean wrapped it up, though it was still painful enough to make the angel cry. The same was done to the other wing and then Dean wrapped a bandage around his chest and shoulders, over his wings, making them as immobile as possible, muttering praises and assurances the whole time, of "you're doing great Cas," or, "almost done."

   Cas already felt relief from not having to work to hold them in place on his own, his tears ebbed away slowly. Dean finished with the wings and picked up a fresh gauze to dry Cas' tears. "A little better I hope.."

   Cas nodded, "much better.. Thank you." By the sound of his shaky voice it wasn't much better at all, but the pain from being moved had to go down.

   Sam moved to clean up the mess they'd made, tossing dirty gauze and wrappers in a trash bag. "In case you're wondering, the spell is permanent, so we won't have to do it again to clean you up."

   Dean didn't even wait for Sam to carry out his trash bag before he was sliding his chair close up to Cas' to put his arms around him. "That's good, you need all the feathers you got, right? Say, if we can get you healed up, will they grow back? Like, how they're meant to be."

   "Yes, should I be able to heal, I will molt. It's a trying and irritating issue at best, but they will be, "like new", as they say.."

   "In the meantime, if you're up for it later on, would it be ok to wash them in the shower? I really tried to get out as much dried blood as I could, but I didn't wanna leave you like that for too long."

   "I appreciate that.. Perhaps, but not today." As wonderful as a proper shower sounded, as amazing as having clean feathers would be, he was just in too much pain. His wings were moved too much.

   "No, 'course not." Dean stood and offered a hand, "up for breakfast? We can do waffles." Cas took the offered hand and stood, but on second thought he'd let go to pull his robe back onto his shoulders.

   He must've been making a pained face, since Dean had rushed to take that over, "thank you.."

   "From now on, don't hesitate, you ask for help. I mean with anything at all, got it?" He sounded stern, just because he knew Cas was stubborn, if not more stubborn than he was himself.

   "Dean.. I don't need waited on, I'm fine, it's just the wings, not my whole body." He attempted to sound exasperated.

   "Well that's a load of bullshit." Cas scowled at Dean over what he'd said. "What, it is. You use your back for a butt load of things, your wings are attached to your back. You can't just say it's just the wings dude."

   Cas had to pout, at least a bit, Dean was right. Every lift of his arms, twist of his neck, it pulled on the injured wings, forcing torn muscles to pull at shattered bone. "Alright, Dean, fine. It being just the wings is," he'd sigh, "a lot."

   Dean nodded, "I know. You can't fully see 'em.. I did." It scared Dean, just how bad they looked, if this was anyone but Cas, he'd have gotten sick. If it was a bird, he'd have killed it just to put it out of it's misery. But this is neither of those, this is his angel and he's suffering because of him.

   "Dean.." Cas started as he leaned on Dean and let him lead the way, "you're thinking too much right now. I can feel the guilt."

   Dean looked at Cas, "I'm sorry pal, can't help it I guess."

   "This is not your fault." Cas stated, "my wings are in this condition due to my _own_ decisions, my _own_ actions." He'd sit in the chair he was guided to, the seat having been turned around by Sam so Cas could lean forward on the back and not have squished wings, though there was no avoiding the feathers bending a bit and dragging on the floor.

"We should get some higher chairs, stools or something, that can't be good for you." Sam said and tried to help Cas arrange himself so he was in a more comfortable position for his wings.

   Dean had left Cas with Sam since his little brother was being fussy, and started making their meal, "that's not a bad idea. We should go shopping later. Think you're up to a shopping trip Cas?"

   Cas nodded, "I should be fine.. Much later though.. Right?" His wings were practically throbbing still from all the fuss they'd been subjected to.

   "Yeah, we can wait til you feel better," Sam agreed and went to pull a couple of ice packs from the freezer, "this'll help, the muscle at least. It'll take down the inflammation and relieve some of the pain." Sam laid a clean dish towel over the base of each wing before gently laying the gel packs down so they draped over, "the muscles at the base take the brunt of the punishment I'm sure, so we'll start there."

   Cas had his eyes closed and let out a sigh as the cold seeped into his muscles, "it's already helping. Thank you Sam."


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I'm kinda winging it here. (Pun intended :P)  
> Let's see what we come up with!

   While Cas went to have a nap the brothers got a chance to talk things over. 

   "We gotta figure this out, Sam. Cas said the majority of birds in the wild die if they break a wing, a wing, _one_. Cas has both broken." He didn't even bother to hide how freaked out he was over this since Cas wasn't in the room.

   Sam sighs, "Dean, he's not a bird-”

   "Well hell Sammy, don't you think I friggin  _know_ that? What if it's even worse for angels than it is for birds, huh? What if I.. What if we lose him. We  _can't_ lose him." Dean sat back in his seat and ran his hand through his hair, "...fuck.."

   Sam watched his brother, "are you done freaking out so I can finish?"

   Dean gave his brother a flat look, "you don't gotta be an ass right now."

   Sam sighed, " _anyway,_ what I was trying to tell you, if the wings get treated there's a really high success rate. I was looking around online and I found this one vet's site." He pulled his laptop over to pull the site up from his history, "All they treat is birds. It said on there that a repair has an 80% success rate.. And at least half get to fly again after a while."

   Dean leaned to get a look at the site, "that's all well and good, but we're not exactly surgeons. Literally all we can do is sew each other up and pull out bullets." He'd stand and pace a bit, gotta work out some of the nervous energy, "I really doubt we can convince a bird surgeon to check out Cas' wings. They'll just think we're nuts, or stoned."

   Sam was quiet for a few minutes, "doesn't mean we can't try."

   "Sam.." Dean gave gave him this look, his version of the puppy eyes but somehow sadder, "don't get my hopes up, man."

   "Seriously. We should at least reach out to the other hunters, we know as well as anyone that hunters come from every walk of life, maybe there's a vet, or better yet, a surgeon." He'd slide his laptop back to himself, "I know, they're wings, and you would think vet.."

   "No, a surgeon would have the equipment needed, Cas said his wings' bones are more dense than birds. He'd need the stuff they use for broken bones, like, remember when we were kids and I broke my leg, they put these rods and pins in there. Something like that." Dean closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the first signs of a headache coming on. 

   "You should go rest, I can handle this part." Sam said and started tapping away at the keyboard, "you should probably peak in on Cas anyway. I don't think he should be alone for long periods of time, with how pale he looks, and the fact he's actually sleeping.."

   Dean let out a huff of air, "yeah... I know. Okay, just come get me if something comes up ok?" He said as he headed for the hall that leads to the dorms. 

   "You got it." Sam called after him, not even looking up from the computer as he composed his email.

\------------

   Dean checked Cas' room first, of course the bed was empty and untouched. When he went to his own room though, there was Cas, fast asleep on his stomach on Dean's bed. He'd walk over and climb in the bed with him, laying on his back so he could watch him. 

   Cas stirred half awake when Dean laid down in the bed and scooted over to rest his head on Dean's chest. "You okay?" He'd ask groggily and nuzzle against his chest.

   "I should be asking you that." Dean said as he put an arm around him, even more careful, if possible, to not disturb the wings, now that he could see them. "I'm, well, you know me."

   "Pretend that I don't." Cas said as he tucked his hands under Dean's back so he could curl his arms around him.

   "Come on man.." Dean huffed and leaned to rest his chin on the top of Cas' head, "freaking out, to be honest. But uh.. Sam's reaching out to the hunter community, seeing if there's any surgeons in our network."

   "You're worried he won't find anyone." Cas stated, yeah, he knew Dean, usually expecting the worst. 

   "He's lookin." Dean said softly. "How're you doing anyway?"

   "While we're being honest? Not good." He didn't really wanna tell him the whole thing though, but he had to tell him something. "The pain is either wavering or I've adjusted..I have moments where I'm relatively pain free, they use to last longer. I'm always tired.. I think what I have left of my grace is being used up with trying to heal my wings." It was a weird feeling, he was much more tired than his human days.

   Dean gently rubbed his back, moving his hand slowly so as not to disturb his wings, "maybe you should consider eating for energy along with these naps. It might help fuel you up."

   Cas grimaced at the very idea, "I could I suppose, but why make me suffer more?"

   Dean had to chuckle about that, the sound coming out sleepily, "it can't be that bad."

   "Everything I eat deconstructs itself on my tongue. I don't taste the end product, I taste everything separately at first, then it goes deeper and I taste the molecules. It's not always very pleasant.." Cas explained, "All of that happens in the matter of a second."

   "Ok yeah.. that sounds crappy. What about eating raw foods, fruits, veggies, nuts, beans, things like that? Not put into anything so you get just the one thing." He was determined to get Cas' energy up.

   "I suppose it's worth trying.. You're right it might not be quite so overwhelming." Cas had his doubts though. He'd found a couple of drinks he could tolerate, but nothing he fully liked. Then again he didn't spend any time figuring out what he could eat.

"Great, I'll send Sammy on a shopping trip for that, he knows more about that stuff than I do." He avoided that stuff like the plague, unless it just happened to be in a food he likes.


End file.
